It was about 2 years ago when I pulled up in my SUV into an unknown territory.I had committed to embark on an 11 month journey, and I knew God had big plans for me.However, I remember being that wide-eyed girl terrified by the idea of starting over new and having no idea what I was getting myself into.
Now, here I am feeling the same way as I did 2 years ago.I feel like that wide-eyed girl and I realize this is always how I want to feel.I want to be held by my Daddy's strong arms as I look up at Him with wide eyes that say, “You promise it will all be okay?”
However, I find it uniquely God that I can feel like the same little girl from 2 years ago and a completely different person all at the same time.It is because He keeps giving me bigger tasks and entrusting me with more.Not for one second will He let me get to the point where I feel comfortable enough to step out of His lap and do it on my own and I thank Him for that!I don't want to do it on my own, and I definitely don't want to do it my way.
You see I am a planner and I like to have things figured out.When it comes to this “life plan” I love making plans, dreaming dreams, and I never want to disappoint.I don't want to disappoint myself, others, but most importantly the Lord.
About two and a half years ago God told me to drop everything and serve Him in Spanish missions.I had a plan.I was going to go to Law School, make lots of money, have a nice family, and do missions on the side.I was going to stick to this plan and make it happen, but then God told me to drop it all.I was afraid of disappointing myself, my friends, and my family, but the overwhelming desire to please my Father won.So, I threw out my LSAT book and followed Him recklessly.
He sent me to Costa Rica, Nicaragua, the World Race, and finally Squad Leading.He taught me a lot about myself and what He created me for.I have learned the passion I have for Spanish missions and Latin American culture.He has placed a righteous anger in me for the injustices around the world and a passion to be a part of a generation that brings change.
Along this journey I have made all kinds of plans.I have longed to move back to Candelaria where it feels like home and I have a family waiting for me with open arms.I have thought about pursuing more education in order to know the Scripture better and be better equipped for the mission field.I have hoped to start my own schools in Central America and disciple young women to know who He is.All of these are great things, and to an extent I was holding on to them because I thought it was who I was supposed to be.My dreams were being mixed with what God was speaking to me and the fears of disappointing the people around me.
Finally I have let all of that go and heard God clearly!The next season of my life brings something new, exciting, and completely the Lord's plan.Ironically the Lord is now asking me to lay down my idea of the mission field and go to Law School.Even as I write this sentence it makes me giggle like a lovesick girl.My Bridegroom has wiped me off my feet and He is spinning me around in this beautifully spontaneous dance.Every twist and turn is a surprise, but He always spins me back around where I stand face to face with Him looking deep into His desire-filled eyes longing for His kiss.
For the last 4 months I have been climbing up a hill next to 42 of my brothers and sisters.God gave me a piece of His shepherd's heart, and with it the burden of leading the flock towards the places they belong.There were times when I ran down the hill chasing after the one sheep that kept looking down at a safer place begging them to turn around and move forward.Other times I urged the sheep that wanted to move forward but couldn't get her feet to take that first step for fear of what might be ahead.Then there were the times where I got to proudly watch one of the precious sheep start skipping up the hill in excitement for what was at the top knowing they were journeying to a better place.
I loved, pursued, gave, fought, and poured my sweat, blood, and tears into this group.Then the time came for me to surrender all of it to the Lord.I was no longer going to be the one carrying this burden, but God was taking it off of my shoulders and placing it on 3 of those who were busy skipping right up the hill.I was so proud of them, but at the same time grieving the loss of this burden.Strange that one could grieve the loss of a burden, but I felt a piece of God's heart for His children.Releasing this burden to Him meant a deeper trust not only in His heart for the squad, but the love He was going to give Jamie, Joshua, and Leah (the new squad leaders).
It was on a rainy evening as our squad was worshiping when the Lord spoke to me about letting go of this burden.I was sitting on the ground enjoying His presence when He told me to get up, walk over to my co-leader, and ask her to pray over me. I slowly slipped on one sandal then the other.I dragged my feet along the cement ground and finally made my way towards Hannah.I mumbled, "Can you pray for me?" and explained to her it was finally time for me to give it all to the Lord.She prayed and the tears started to fall.I could feel myself becoming lighter, but as I felt lighter I also felt weaker.She wrapped her arms around me and I buried my snotty nose into her shoulder.Letting go of the hug I fell to the ground and laid there as I continued to cry and nuzzled myself into the Father's embrace.
I love moments like this where I can physically feel my own weakness, but sense His strength surrounding me.I long for His warm embrace that tells me I am safe in His arms.And this is the kingdom of heaven; to become less as He becomes more, to let go of our mission and live in His, to find all joy, hope, peace, and love in the Father's touch.
"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."
I want to say THANK YOU to all of you who have supported my trip this time around. I am fully funded! Woohoo!!
So, what does this mean?
I will be able to finish out my time with the squad (only a month and a half to go),
In August I will fly to Africa to visit with the squad for a few days and pour into the leaders,
And in November I will be able to visit them in India as they finish their race to celebrate how far they have gone!
(Me loving life as a squad leader! Thank you guys)
You guys have made this possible, and because of you guys I am able to pour into 40 men and women who are choosing a life sold-out for Christ! I am excited about what God is doing in them on this trip but even more excited about how He is preparing them for the future.
A few of my lovely squad mates are struggling to meet their deadlines (they need $11,000 by April 1st). If you feel strongly about keeping E-Squad out on the field and would like to financially support some of "my people" please e-mail me and I will give you the information of those that are really in need right now.
Once again thank you guys for everything you do and please keep us in your prayers! God is moving and because of this the enemy is under attack. He wants people to go home so they don't walk in the full freedom God is bringing them into right now. Yes, we have victory so we must fight! Please continue to fight in prayer with us.
Thank You.
Here are some pictures of some of my lovely squad mates (pictures taken by Justin Marshall):
(Left: Leslie Robbins, Right: Anjali Matthew)
(From Left: Ada, Liz, Lydia, Carter, and Christiana)
Llamada; el Señor ha me llamado a españoles misiones.
A little confused?So was I when God first called me into Spanish missions during a time in my life when I knew no Spanish and had my future all planned out…
I thank God for the season He is bringing me through right now.
A season to grow and be refined, a season to lead and be
lead, and a season that will affect the rest of my life.
However, God continues to affirm the words He spoke to me in the Sumer of 2008.I was working at a summer camp on the beach (Ft. Caswell). This was a beautiful time for the Lord and me; I spent hours upon hours talking with Him. I remember running along the beach and the anticipation He was putting inside of me, anticipation for something big He was going to tell me. (Pictured Left: Most of the Squad at the beach in El Salvador. Picture taken by Denise Escamilla)
Towards the end of the summer I was sitting in a Bible study and I have no idea what the speaker was sharing.All I remember is what God told me that night. He started to speak to me; He spoke directly to my heart, “Lindsay, I know that you're trying to give me your whole life but you have yet to do that.I want you to go into Spanish missions.” And that was it.I started to question Him, but He said nothing more.
This was when God began the amazing journey that has lead me to where I am now, squad leading 40 people in Central America.I have no doubt that part of the reason my squad has started here is because He wanted to continue confirming Spanish missions in my life.I feel so alive here, and my heart melts for the people I come in contact with.
While in El Salvador I got the opportunity to preach at a local church in Spanish.Afterwards my co-leader, Allan, came up to me and said, “Lindsay it is amazing how the way God speaks to you is perfect for the people here.”
Later on in the week we visited some homes where we prayed over several different families.That evening my other co-leader, Hannah, took me aside and said, “Lindsay, there is no doubt you are called to Spanish missions.You're prayers are just as powerful if not more powerful in Spanish.” (Pictured Right: Catching up with Isabella in Honduras. I met her last year on our race and was able to love on her again. Thank you Jesus!)
My heart is full here.This is what God created me for and I have never been surer of it before in my life.Please pray for me as God reveals next steps, but keeps me here in the moment as well.
Llamada; el Señor ha me llamado a españoles misiones.
So, I have been thinking and praying about how to approach blogging this time around.My ministry is a little bit different now that I am leading 41 amazing men and women of God.My focus is not the countries we are going to or the people we will meet, but it is this group of young men and women who are pursuing what God has for their lives. (Pictured Right: Hannah, my co-leader, and I at the beach with the teams)
Let me start by explaining the World Race and Seth Barnes' (CEO of AIM) vision for it.He believed that young men and women in America needed an initiation process into adulthood.This is where his vision for the World Race began; he wanted to create a program where young men and women could abandon everything they knew to fully experience what God had for their lives.The hope and prayer is that every person who goes on the World Race will reach a place of brokenness through abandonment, that each one of us would realize we are nothing and God is everything.So, young men and women are sent out to live with the poorest of the poor to realize in order to bring His Kingdom here on earth we must be completely dependent upon the Father.The great thing is that with dependence comes empowerment.I have watched many of my squad-mates (from my original squad/ S-Squad) wrecked for a country, people, or problem, and now with full faith in God's power in their lives they are going out to the nations.Cassie Schott moved to Honduras to work with teenagers who needed someone to love them and show them they are loved.Phil Khamoa moved to Thailand to study under a ministry that fights against the sex trafficking industry.Jacinda Kozia is using her gifting of networking to bring ministries and people together.The list goes on and on.
So, this is why I am here in EL Salvador.I am here for E-Squad.I am here to pour into their lives in hopes that they are one day empowered to do great things for His Kingdom!We have been here only one week and I have already watched God move in the lives of individuals.I have seen tears fall as God is bringing healing to their hearts and watched smiles arise as He already begins to speak into their passions and dreams.This is why I am here.
All of that being said this is the beginning of a blog series.I want to introduce you to the people I am falling in love with and show you the faces you are praying for.The squad is made up of 5 teams of 7 and 1 team of 6.There are 6 team leaders (one on each team), and I am leading alongside 2 amazing co-leaders.
I am excited to invite you into my life and hopefully God will pull you in to the vision and heart He has for the World Race.Please be praying for E Squad as they have now committed to a journey of 11 months.There are a lot of unknowns they are walking into and they will certainly miss family and friends; however, I know (by experience) the great things God has for each of them.(Pictured Left: Doing ministry with two of the teams in Apastepeque, El Salvador...taking a lunch break WR style)
Finance Update: I am up to $4,800 now; praise God!I only have $1,100 left to go.My support raising goal is $5,900.
Thanksgiving has come and gone and I dare say it was one of my all-time favorite Thanksgivings. I was surrounded by people I have known and loved all my life, new friends that have become a part of the family, and even newer friends who upon arrival were welcomed in as if they have lived in the Dobner household all of their lives. (Chelsea, Tim, and I Pre-Thanksgiving meal)
How many times do I take for granted the loved ones around me? I long to stay put for more than a few months yet I forget all of the family I have come to know by moving around. I hope to one day begin my own family yet I have forgotten the adventure my groom, Jesus Christ, has taken me on. I ask for more while forgetting the many answered prayers.
Why, oh why God, do I like Naomi seek more of Your blessings when I have so much in the blessing of Ruth standing right next to me.
These are the blessings that were standing right next to me on Thanksgiving and I thank You my Father for each of them:
Mom and Dad:
Thank you Lord for parents who have always loved me and will never stop loving me no matter what I do. Thank you for teaching me what unconditional love is through the way they love me. Thank you for an example of a godly woman you have placed right before me in my mother. Thank you for her good heart and her submissiveness; her grace and mercy. Thank you that she always listens to me and will never get tired of my lame jokes. Thank you God for the man of God my father is. Thank you for his strength and courage; for the way He cherishes me and treats me as his princess. Thank you that he has shown me I am beautiful and continues to teach me. Thank you for His wisdom and his ability to put me in my place. Thank you God for my loving parents.
Alicia, Amanda and Tim:
Thank you Lord for siblings who love each other and more importantly love you. Thank you for the grace you have shown as I have tried and often failed to be a good example. Thank you for their different personalities and gifts. Thank you for Tim and the way You have continued to pursue Him. Thank you for this intimate relationship He is developing with you and His desire to pursue You above anything else. Lord, I praise your name for Alicia and how at such a young age she could have such a desire to know you. I thank you that she is never giving up! Lord, I praise your name for Amanda. What a beautiful young woman with so many gifts and abilities. Lord, I pray she will ALWAYS use them to your glory.
Sassy and Howie:
Oh God I thank you for my grandparents who cover me with their never ending love. I thank you that they are close by and we are able to spend the holidays together. Oh Lord I pray your blessings over them for they have blessed so many people.
Aunt Jenny:
God, I thank you for the way Aunt Jenny cares about others. Thank you for your faithfulness in her life and the fact that you have always shown up. God I pray your favor upon Aunt Jenny that she may hear Your voice and seek your face in everything.
The Phillips:
Lord I thank you for old friends that have been there through all the good times and the bad. I thank you that we will continue to be there for each other in the good times and the bad. God I pray this family will grow closer and closer as a family united by your love. I thank you for the way they have blessed my lilfe and I pray more blessings over each of their lives.
Michelle McPherson:
I thank you God for the crazy ways you put friends together. I thank you for the fact that even though we grewup living 5 minutes from each other you chose to send us 3 hours away to begin our friendship. I thank you for the way Michelle has always loved me and been there for me. I thank you for the fact that she will ALWAYS cupport me. I hav eno doubt that we will always be friends. Thank you for deep friendsips Lord!
Chelsea and Logan Angel:
Thank you for the race and how it has brought Chelsea and I together. Thank you for the support she is during this re-entry process. Thank you for the fact that her and her brother are a part of my family and will always be a part of my family. Thank you for fun times that she brings and the laughter that has filled my last couple of months because of her.
Tyre and Jenna:
Lastly, I thank you for new family Oh Lord. I thank you for both of these strangers who genuinely care about me and became a part of our family in moments.
God has blessed me with so much! He has blessed me with family all over the nations and used me to make His family bigger. I need help from all of my family right now. I leave January 6th for Ft, Lauderdale and will be beginning our launch on Jan. 9th. I am $1500 short of my deadline (Jan. 9th). I need my family right now and I pray God chooses to use you all to send me to the nations. (Amanda and Alicia Post Thanksgiving Meal pictured right)
Thanks to all who have always supported me in so many different ways. I am truly blessed.
I guess it's time for a new blog wouldn't you all agree. So, here goes...
What have I been up to since the race (Just as good a topic as any):
1. Coming Home!! I have absolutely loved being home with family and friends, but can't believe I will be leaving everyone again so soon.
I love my crazy friends:)
2. Searchlight: I spent a few days in Gainesville, GA (AIM headquarters). I actually wrote a blog on this experience, so read it if you haven't gotten a chance:
3. Working: I have the absolute best job in the world which consists of babysitting a precious 3-yr-old girl and her darling 2 month baby sister. I have really enjoyed this, and so thankful for the balance it brings to my life.
4. Training Camp: I spent 10 days at training camp in White, GA where I met E-squad who I will be leading in January!! You guys, I absolutely love them, and I know this is where God has called me for this season. I am excited to be used as a tool in the growth God has for each of them in this next season. They are all very special and I hope you will all support me in prayer for E-Squad.
So, all of that being said thank you guys for always being there. This is a beautiful season in my life and the Lord is doing more in me right now than I ever thought possible.
I am also in need of your financial support once again. I must have$3,000 raised before I leaave on January 9th and then the full $5,900 raised by the end of month 4 (April). If you would like to help me out financially click on the "Support Me" tab and follow the instructions. As always I trust the Lord will proved for I know this is where He wants me. Thank you guys once again and I love you all.
God has been doing a lot in my life this past month being at home.It has been absolutely wonderful to spend time with my family and friends.The only thing that is missing is having my little brother at home with me; however, I get to chat with him on the phone all the time. (My brother, Tim, and I at my homecoming party pictured left)
As you read in my last blog (if you haven't read it then read it here before you continue) God was asking me to surrender a dream that I have to return to Nicaragua and bring His kingdom to a nation.It was really hard, but as I have learned over the years God is faithful and I trust that He will fulfill the promises He has made to me.
I came home feeling lighter and okay with the fact that when people asked me, “So what are you doing next?” all I could say was, “I really don't know.All I know is I will be in Charlotte until He calls me elsewhere.”(Kelly's wedding pictured left. I worked with these two girls in Nicaragua before the Race.)
Well, as some of you may know I applied to squad lead; I actually finished my application in August and have been waiting to hear from the World Race staff.
Let me explain what squad leading is for those of you who don't know:
When leaving for the race back in October, 3 World Race alumni lead our group of 61.They were our squad leaders, and stayed with us for 4 months.During these months they prepared our squad for being on our own.They rose up 2 new squad leaders to lead the entire squad and flew back home at the end of month 4.
God has been speaking to me since May about squad leading and I have been praying about it continually.The more I pray about it the more I see that God not only wants to use me to love and challenge a new squad, but He also wants to grow me in my leadership.I see that He is going to use me as a leader in the future.So, I applied to squad lead and was waiting and waiting on a response.
Now back to my point of surrender.I still hadn't heard back about squad leading and was pretty sure there was no way I could be squad leading until July.I heard over and over again that all the female spots were filled and they were only looking for males.So, I had surrendered missions to the Lord and just wanted to be with Him wherever He had me.If that meant I was at home in Charlotte working a 9-5 job until July than that was fine with me.Although my heart desired to be in missions serving the people all across the world, and I had more of a desire than ever to be in Nicaragua to disciple teenage girls I was willing to put it all on hold if God wanted me in Charlotte.
Only days after returning from Searchlight I received an e-mail.I was shocked!The World Race staff was asking me to squad lead in January.“God, are You serious?!Is this true?You are too good to me!I cannot believe that You have answered my prayers so quickly.As soon as I surrendered my “Isaac” to You, You gave Him right back to me.”
And guys listen to how good He is to me…my first 3 months are in Central America (one of those months being Nicaragua).God you are so good to me!!
So, I will be leaving once again in January.This time for 4 months and this time leading E Squad! I am excited to love on this squad and see the greatness that they are all about to walk into.I am excited to be there for them as they go through brokenness.I am excited to pray over them and cry with them.I am excited to laugh with them and join them in their adventures.I am excited to see God rise up more men and women to bring His Kingdom to the nations.Please be in prayer for this calling in my life.Pray for my squad and my co-leaders.Pray that God guides me in the words to say and the decisions that need to be made.If you would like to support this trip financially (it is going to cost approx. $5,900) please click on the “Support Me” tab to the left.(Spades buddies at final debrief pictured left)
I know without a doubt this is the next step God has for me.This is surely from the Lord and it is a blessing and honor that He is choosing me.I love you guys and I thank you all for your constant support.What an amazing God we serve!
I've been home from the World Race about 3 weeks.Adventures in Missions offered an amazing opportunity for World Race Alumni.We were given the chance to come to Gainesville, GA (where their headquarters are located) to participate in what they call Searchlight.
The purpose of this week was to help WR Alumni with the reentry process, to offer us opportunity to make our Kingdom dreams a reality, and to connect us with other believers who have the same dream.When I first heard they were doing this I couldn't believe they wanted to help me fulfill my dream. The more I thought about going the more I told myself I can't miss this opportunity.
So, I packed my bags once again and drove down to Georgia where I met up with several other S-Squaders.It was so great to see all of my squad-mates and I was looking forward to what the week would have for me.
So, what did this week have for me?
Clarification.Obedience.Love.
This week was definitely not what I was expecting by any means.I was expecting to come out of this week taking steps towards my dream, to find some amazing contact who wanted to do exactly what I wanted to do, and other believers who were ready to partner with me.
Hah, God is funny how He works. The first few days of our week I felt this pressure on my heart.It was like there was a a tug of war game going on inside of my chest and there was nothing I could do to stop it.I felt my heart pulling to one side and then to the other.On the third day I felt one side pulling harder and then harder.I knew it was going to win, but the other side hadn't yet let go.
As we were worshipping one night I felt the release start to happen.I knew I had to let go and I had to speak it out in front of a group of people.So, I stood up in front of all the World Race alumni with tears rushing down my cheeks and spoke.
“There is a battle going on inside of my chest.I know that the Lord wants me to be at rest right now.I know He wants me to stay in Charlotte, NC with my family but my heart longs to be in Candelaria, Nicaragua.Right now I'm claiming obedience to the plans of the Lord, and I know He has great things in store for me.I know that I will bring Kingdom to Charlotte, NC.I also know that He wants me to take this season to be loved by Him and find myself back at home. “
Now my plans have greatly changed, and I am stepping into the plans of the Lord.I've stopped coming up with ways to get back to Nicaragua sooner and started to rest in Him.I have been pouring a lot out these past 2 years and I know this is a time for me to see the love He has for me.I don't want confirmation of His love in the things I do, but I want to know He loves me even when all I am doing is resting in Him.
So, I don't know how long I will be home and I don't know what the next step is, but I know God is near.I am beginning the process of turning my dream and God's dream into our dream.
This song has become my anthem for the upcoming season.I want to know who He is and then I will find who I am.
It was about 2 years ago when I pulled up in my SUV into an unknown territory.
However, God continues to affirm the words He spoke to me in the Sumer of 2008.
So, I have been thinking and praying about how to approach blogging this time around.
I am excited to invite you into my life and hopefully God will pull you in to the vision and heart He has for the World Race.
Thanksgiving has come and gone and I dare say it was one of my all-time favorite Thanksgivings. I was surrounded by people I have known and loved all my life, new friends that have become a part of the family, and even newer friends who upon arrival were welcomed in as if they have lived in the Dobner household all of their lives. (Chelsea, Tim, and I Pre-Thanksgiving meal)
God has blessed me with so much! He has blessed me with family all over the nations and used me to make His family bigger. I need help from all of my family right now. I leave January 6th for Ft, Lauderdale and will be beginning our launch on Jan. 9th. I am $1500 short of my deadline (Jan. 9th). I need my family right now and I pray God chooses to use you all to send me to the nations. (Amanda and Alicia Post Thanksgiving Meal pictured right)
God has been doing a lot in my life this past month being at home.
I came home feeling lighter and okay with the fact that when people asked me, “So what are you doing next?” all I could say was, “I really don't know.
So, I will be leaving once again in January.